I'm happy to report that things are going a little better. Not perfect, mind you! There's still a good amount of bad attitudes and whining. And the kids aren't perfect either. (Are you sick of that joke yet?)
But seriously. I'm glad I made the decision to stop school and work on relationships. And all joking aside, the Lord really has been working on my heart. One thing I was reminded of: It is only in the midst of our weakness, that God can reveal His strength and our need for Him.
The last few weeks have shown me that I need Him so much. I can not do this (wife, mother, teacher) alone. It is so easy, especially in our culture, to coast along without thinking we really need God.
But oh my. We do.
Middlest at a local Deer Park--more pics to come soon, I hope!
And after talking with a friend in the same season of life, I realized that I'll have to settle for mediocre sometimes. What I mean is, I may not always be able to start school with the dishes done, the house picked up and laundry started.
And we may have days (weeks) where attitudes just aren't right, but we'll have to keep on going anyway. I don't know about you, but these are actually comforting thoughts to me. If I know ahead of time that I need to keep going even though all my ducks aren't in a row, I feel better than if I set myself up for perfection and not can't come close! Does that make sense?
Don't you just wanna eat him!? Me too!
This week, starting tomorrow, we'll slowly, very slowly add in a reading or two and maybe a couple of other things. I think we just tried to do too much, too soon. We'll keep working on our routine and our attitudes and I'll be clinging tightly to God's Word and praying for wisdom! He is faithful!
I've also been thinking about the importance of what some call "Mother Culture." I realized that I really haven't been fueling up, so to speak. I do wake up and have a Quiet Time most mornings, but I don't really do much that inspires me these days. (Other than read, of course, which can be enough sometimes!)
That said, I've picked up my knitting needles again and it feels so good. I really need to make sure I'm taking care of myself and doing more than just school and housework(!), so I have more to give to my children. Do you struggle with that too?
Here's the hat I've started for Middlest: You can find the pattern here.
I'm doing much better with the loss of our baby. But I'm still not at 100%. I have a picture of the ultrasound on my fridge that I can't bear to take down. And I still really feel the loss. But every day it gets easier.
I had a good talk with Oldest 2 days ago--turns out she really feels the loss still, too. But after sharing my pain with her and telling her that's part of why Mama hasn't been acting herself lately, she shared with me that she's still upset. It was a good talk. :) I so appreciate your prayers! Let me know how I can pray for you!