11/22/2014

My Inconsistencies and God's Faithfulness

You should know something about me. I'm very inconsistent.

I like to think I'm somewhat of a Grammar Snob, but I still use the words "gonna" and "wanna" in my emails and texts. And I still don't know when you're supposed to use the word "that" in some cases, among other things. 

We drink raw milk, buy organic beef and eggs when we can, but I love the #17 Meal at McDonalds and maybe eat it once a week? (It's the Square-O-Fish, in case you're wondering.) Also? I eat Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream like it's nobody's b'ness.

I try to be "green" -- we use cloth diapers, wash our faces with oil, use organic lotion, make my own laundry soap and use cloth napkins. But we only do and use those things about half of the time.


I love my children so much (what mother doesn't?) but sometimes I lose my cool with them. 

I love my husband but I don't always treat him like I should.

And the list goes on.

Obviously, with some of these things--anger, for example, I'm trying to do better or rather, I'm trying to allow Jesus to change me. But some of them? Like the Square O Fish? I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give that one up. 

I've been thinking about all of this lately and quite honestly, have just come through a somewhat difficult time in certain areas and I've come to a few conclusions.

#1. The older I get the more I realize that I really don't know that much. Which causes me to extend more grace to others. Before I was a mom I knew how to be a perfect good mom. I knew it. I knew that I would not allow my children to throw a fit in the store. I knew I would not allow them to keep me awake at night. I specifically remember (before Oldest was born) a conversation I had with a friend who had a 2 year old and she said she hadn't had more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep in 2 years. I thought she was completely insane and I told myself I would never allow that.

*insert hysterical laughter here* Have you seen the name of my blog?


Now, after three children, I know that as much as one tries, one cannot simply control one's child's actions. Sure, you can train and teach and discipline, but if your 2 year old decides to throw a fit in Target, there isn't much you can do about it except smile and leave the store.

And now when I see a mom with a screaming child in public, I don't think "I would never allow that!"; I think, "That poor woman. I've been there!"

#2. It's because of my inconsistencies and weaknesses that I need Jesus so much. Obviously, I'm talking less about what detergent I use here and more about character, but you get the point.

I try so hard to do the right thing and I fail all. the. time. My natural tendency is to then let the guilt of my mistakes weigh me down. I start thinking, "HOW can I even call myself a Christian?! What's wrong with me? Why can't I get this right?" That really doesn't do anyone any good. 

 The beauty in all of this is, God has been using those very inconsistencies and mistakes in my life to reveal more of Himself to me. I need Him because I will fail.


But HE does not. HE is the sure thing in my life. HE is the faithful, good One that my children will hopefully see through me and my inconsistencies.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; -Lamentations 3:22

That's a Truth that I've know my whole life, but only recently, through my realization of my need and lack of character in some areas, has that Truth sank deep into my heart. And I don't think it's done yet. Because I'm not done yet.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. -Philippians 1:6
One thing I love about the Bible is that it is filled with broken and sinful people: Peter (on whom Christ built His church) denied Jesus 3 times, David (a man after God's own heart) had an affair and killed a man(!), Paul (who wrote a good portion of the New Testament) had tons of Christians killed before his conversion. When I think of men like this I'm encouraged that the Lord can use me despite my failings! And it only makes me want to love Him more and my heart swells with gratefulness!

The pictures are from our trip in September to a local pumpkin patch. 



My husband lovingly jokes that our Oldest sometimes dresses like a "homeschooler." HA!






This race track was so. much. fun.







God is good!

3 comments:

  1. You are not alone here! You are pretty much describing me in this post, and I'm certain, countless others. Give yourself some grace! Its hard to see yourself from the outside in. I do know that God looks at us very differently than we see ourselves. You are doing an awesome job! Your heart is what God is looking at and from I can tell you've got a great one!
    Catherine on KS

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  2. What a lovely post, Catie!!! I can echo some of these very lessons that I'm still learning. Love you!!! The pictures are so cute!!! :D

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  3. Thanks for your kind words, Ladies! :)

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Thanks for taking the time to comment. It's encouraging!